1
00:00:03,233 --> 00:00:05,333
[FRAN, ECHOING]
Introducing...
2
00:00:05,366 --> 00:00:08,656
Number 44...
3
00:00:08,100 --> 00:00:10,150
Brighton Sheffield-
field-field-field!
4
00:00:11,283 --> 00:00:12,423
He's safe!
5
00:00:12,450 --> 00:00:14,300
And the crowd
goes wild!
6
00:00:14,333 --> 00:00:16,203
[IMITATING CROWD CHEERING]
7
00:00:21,300 --> 00:00:23,100
My coach thinks I'm pretty good.
8
00:00:23,133 --> 00:00:26,163
I just need work on catching
and spitting.
9
00:00:26,500 --> 00:00:28,000
Don't even
think about
it.
10
00:00:29,200 --> 00:00:32,250
Brighton, this is the athletic
supporter you picked out?
11
00:00:33,133 --> 00:00:35,303
Who'd you buy it for,
Mr. Ed?
12
00:00:36,283 --> 00:00:38,433
He's a Sheffield.
He'll grow into it.
13
00:00:40,400 --> 00:00:42,160
Is it me,
or did someone
14
00:00:42,500 --> 00:00:43,470
just turn the heat
on
around here?
15
00:00:44,400 --> 00:00:47,130
Miss Babcock, there's
a gentleman on line three
16
00:00:47,166 --> 00:00:48,446
who claims
to be your father,
17
00:00:48,483 --> 00:00:51,203
and I admire him for having
the guts to admit it.
18
00:00:52,266 --> 00:00:54,316
[MOUTHING WORDS]
19
00:00:54,350 --> 00:00:56,320
Yes. She's right here.
20
00:00:58,400 --> 00:01:00,280
Hello, Father.
21
00:01:01,100 --> 00:01:02,300
How nice.
22
00:01:02,333 --> 00:01:04,663
Goodbye.
23
00:01:04,100 --> 00:01:06,370
Another
Hallmark moment.
24
00:01:08,266 --> 00:01:10,116
So, your father's
here.
25
00:01:10,150 --> 00:01:11,420
What's he like?
26
00:01:11,450 --> 00:01:13,480
We're complete opposites.
We have nothing in common.
27
00:01:14,160 --> 00:01:16,270
Oh, I can't wait
to meet him.
28
00:01:16,300 --> 00:01:18,380
I'm far too busy.
Besides, I saw him last year.
29
00:01:18,416 --> 00:01:21,826
We had dinner and shared a cab.
30
00:01:21,116 --> 00:01:24,396
Stay tuned for the Babcock
family Christmas special.
31
00:01:24,433 --> 00:01:26,123
You've got
to see him.
32
00:01:26,150 --> 00:01:27,330
It's like my mother
always says--
33
00:01:27,366 --> 00:01:29,496
"You can
freeze
anything."
34
00:01:29,830 --> 00:01:30,150
No.
35
00:01:30,183 --> 00:01:31,273
"Why buy Sweet 'N Lo
36
00:01:31,300 --> 00:01:33,500
when restaurants
are giving it away?"
37
00:01:33,830 --> 00:01:34,270
No.
38
00:01:34,300 --> 00:01:36,170
"Seven cans of
tunafish
count as one
39
00:01:36,200 --> 00:01:38,120
in the express line"?
40
00:01:38,150 --> 00:01:39,370
No! My mother
always says,
41
00:01:39,400 --> 00:01:41,320
"Blood is thicker than water,
42
00:01:41,350 --> 00:01:44,000
and you can wash them both
off of plastic slipcovers."
43
00:01:45,200 --> 00:01:47,270
Miss Fine,
what are you babbling about?
44
00:01:47,300 --> 00:01:49,430
You have to make time
for family.
45
00:01:49,466 --> 00:01:51,146
Why don't you have him
over for dinner?
46
00:01:51,183 --> 00:01:53,503
Niles can
whip something
up.
47
00:01:54,830 --> 00:01:56,660
I would like him
to meet the man in my life.
48
00:01:56,100 --> 00:01:58,330
By all means,
bring him along.
49
00:01:59,433 --> 00:02:02,353
I'll blow him up
and put him
in his usual chair.
50
00:02:09,100 --> 00:02:10,430
♪♪ She was working
In a bridal shop ♪♪
51
00:02:10,466 --> 00:02:12,126
♪♪ In Flushing, Queens ♪♪
52
00:02:12,166 --> 00:02:13,316
♪♪ Till her boyfriend
Kicked her out ♪♪
53
00:02:13,350 --> 00:02:15,120
♪♪ In one
Of those crushing scenes ♪♪
54
00:02:15,150 --> 00:02:16,450
♪♪ What was she to do?
Where was she to go? ♪♪
55
00:02:16,483 --> 00:02:20,133
♪♪ She was out on her fanny ♪♪
56
00:02:20,166 --> 00:02:21,296
♪♪ So over the bridge
From Flushing ♪♪
57
00:02:21,333 --> 00:02:23,223
♪♪ To the Sheffields' door ♪♪
58
00:02:23,250 --> 00:02:25,170
♪♪ She was there to sell makeup
But the father saw more ♪♪
59
00:02:25,200 --> 00:02:27,220
♪♪ She had style,
she had flair
She was there ♪♪
60
00:02:27,250 --> 00:02:31,180
♪♪ That's how she became
The Nanny ♪♪
61
00:02:31,216 --> 00:02:34,496
♪♪ Who would have guessed
That the girl we described ♪♪
62
00:02:34,830 --> 00:02:36,200
♪♪ Was just exactly
What the doctor prescribed? ♪♪
63
00:02:36,233 --> 00:02:37,423
♪♪ Now the father
Finds her beguiling ♪♪
64
00:02:37,450 --> 00:02:39,150
♪♪ Watch out, C.C. ♪♪
65
00:02:39,183 --> 00:02:40,203
♪♪ And the kids
Are actually smiling ♪♪
66
00:02:40,233 --> 00:02:41,353
♪♪ Such joie de vivre ♪♪
67
00:02:41,383 --> 00:02:43,503
♪♪ She's the lady in red ♪♪
68
00:02:43,830 --> 00:02:47,250
♪♪ When everybody else
Is wearing tan ♪♪
69
00:02:47,283 --> 00:02:49,323
♪♪ The flashy girl
From Flushing ♪♪
70
00:02:49,350 --> 00:02:51,150
♪♪ The nanny named Fran ♪♪
71
00:03:00,383 --> 00:03:02,403
Put your fingerprints
on one more crab puff
72
00:03:02,433 --> 00:03:05,373
and you'll find mine
on your neck.
73
00:03:05,400 --> 00:03:07,370
Boy, you're in a grumpy mood.
74
00:03:07,400 --> 00:03:10,160
What's the matter?
Are your corns acting up again?
75
00:03:10,500 --> 00:03:13,130
They're excruciating, inflamed,
throbbing pustules
76
00:03:13,166 --> 00:03:14,226
begging to burst.
77
00:03:15,283 --> 00:03:18,123
Well, I'm glad
you're not making
wine.
78
00:03:18,150 --> 00:03:21,220
Niles, you can't use this china.
The pattern is hideous.
79
00:03:21,250 --> 00:03:23,270
That's not the pattern.
It's your reflection.
80
00:03:25,216 --> 00:03:27,276
If I'm going to see my father,
everything has to be perfect.
81
00:03:27,316 --> 00:03:29,446
He's demanding, critical,
judgmental--
82
00:03:29,483 --> 00:03:33,003
You've no idea what it's like
to be around someone like that.
83
00:03:33,330 --> 00:03:35,180
Totally in the dark.
Not a clue.
84
00:03:35,216 --> 00:03:38,196
Maxwell, you have
little planes
all over your tie.
85
00:03:38,233 --> 00:03:40,423
-So?
-So? Daddy's a navy man.
86
00:03:40,450 --> 00:03:42,250
Don't you have
anything with boats?
87
00:03:42,283 --> 00:03:44,303
Oh, never mind.
I'll get it for you myself.
88
00:03:44,333 --> 00:03:47,153
Any excuse
to get in his drawers.
89
00:03:49,660 --> 00:03:50,400
Niles, Gatorade alert.
90
00:03:50,433 --> 00:03:52,503
Hey... I thought
91
00:03:52,830 --> 00:03:53,170
you were supposed to be
at little league.
92
00:03:53,200 --> 00:03:54,280
I was.
93
00:03:54,316 --> 00:03:56,166
Well, where
are your grass
stains?
94
00:03:56,200 --> 00:03:58,330
There's no grass
on the bench.
95
00:03:58,366 --> 00:03:59,996
Shut up, Olive Oyl.
96
00:04:00,350 --> 00:04:02,170
I played right field.
97
00:04:02,200 --> 00:04:03,470
Oh. Loser land.
98
00:04:05,200 --> 00:04:07,470
Hey, I played right field.
99
00:04:08,000 --> 00:04:10,160
Oh.
Oh.
100
00:04:10,500 --> 00:04:12,270
I'll tell you what.
What do you say I get us
a couple of box seats
101
00:04:12,300 --> 00:04:13,480
at opening day
at Shea Stadium, huh?
102
00:04:14,160 --> 00:04:15,400
And you'll see
how the pros do
it.
103
00:04:15,433 --> 00:04:17,663
Well, at least
the Mets.
104
00:04:17,100 --> 00:04:18,300
[DOORBELL CHIMES]
105
00:04:21,100 --> 00:04:22,330
Hello.
106
00:04:24,000 --> 00:04:26,450
Kitten, you
haven't
aged a bit.
107
00:04:27,350 --> 00:04:30,830
Daddy, I'm over here.
108
00:04:30,116 --> 00:04:34,316
And she has her
mother's
sense of humor-- none.
109
00:04:34,350 --> 00:04:38,170
Well, call me crazy,
but I think I like him.
110
00:04:38,200 --> 00:04:41,130
Oh, Stewie,
you're a stitch.
111
00:04:41,166 --> 00:04:44,166
So, finally, I had to slip
the doorman a hundred dollars
112
00:04:44,200 --> 00:04:46,230
to give me his pants.
113
00:04:47,333 --> 00:04:50,133
Oh, my God, that must have
been embarrassing.
114
00:04:50,166 --> 00:04:52,326
Talk about embarrassing,
115
00:04:52,660 --> 00:04:54,420
my parents
were once onLet's Make a Deal.
116
00:04:54,450 --> 00:04:57,660
Nine-hundred people knew
it was door number one.
117
00:04:57,100 --> 00:04:58,350
They had to pick the box.
118
00:04:58,383 --> 00:05:01,353
P.S.: Carol Merrill
on a tricycle.
119
00:05:05,100 --> 00:05:07,280
Well, if you want
to talk
embarrassing,
120
00:05:07,316 --> 00:05:09,396
Ivana and I
were down in Palm Beach
121
00:05:09,433 --> 00:05:11,103
at Maralago,
122
00:05:11,133 --> 00:05:13,173
and we locked ourselves
out of the pool house.
123
00:05:13,200 --> 00:05:14,300
There we were,
124
00:05:14,333 --> 00:05:18,253
dripping wet...
with no towels!
125
00:05:22,830 --> 00:05:24,330
We didn't even have espadrilles!
126
00:05:26,150 --> 00:05:28,380
So, Stewart,
how long are you here for?
127
00:05:28,416 --> 00:05:29,446
Oh! Oh!
128
00:05:29,483 --> 00:05:33,003
The gardener saw us too!
129
00:05:35,100 --> 00:05:37,300
Just long enough
to do some business.
130
00:05:37,333 --> 00:05:39,303
Did I mention
that I bought a
Picasso?
131
00:05:39,333 --> 00:05:41,283
Not since the salad.
132
00:05:41,483 --> 00:05:43,663
Ooh!
133
00:05:43,100 --> 00:05:44,220
Oops.
134
00:05:45,233 --> 00:05:47,423
I have to check out
some new hotel properties,
135
00:05:47,450 --> 00:05:49,130
and meet
with the foreign investors,
136
00:05:49,166 --> 00:05:50,316
and I suppose
I have to show my face
137
00:05:50,350 --> 00:05:53,660
at this Streisand thing.
138
00:05:53,100 --> 00:05:57,330
Barbra Joan Streisand,
born April 24, 1942
139
00:05:57,366 --> 00:05:59,096
to Manny and Diana Streisand
140
00:05:59,133 --> 00:06:02,273
of 457 Schenectady Avenue,
Brooklyn?
141
00:06:08,830 --> 00:06:10,330
I take it
you are a fan?
142
00:06:10,660 --> 00:06:11,380
Oh, well, if you call
143
00:06:11,416 --> 00:06:14,276
turning your bedroom
into a shrine,
144
00:06:14,316 --> 00:06:17,226
seeing all of her movies
25 times,
145
00:06:17,266 --> 00:06:20,226
paying $200
for a piece of chewing gum
146
00:06:20,266 --> 00:06:22,396
from the bottom
of Barbra's shoe--
147
00:06:22,433 --> 00:06:24,503
Is that--
148
00:06:24,830 --> 00:06:26,300
Is that what that framed thing
in your room is?
149
00:06:26,333 --> 00:06:29,233
No. That's a sourball
that Elliott Gould spit out,
150
00:06:29,266 --> 00:06:31,416
but he was married to her
at the time.
151
00:06:32,416 --> 00:06:35,446
I'd say she
qualifies
as a fan.
152
00:06:35,483 --> 00:06:39,503
I'm part of the consortium
that's backing Barbra's tour.
153
00:06:39,830 --> 00:06:42,220
Oh, you must be plotzing.
154
00:06:42,250 --> 00:06:44,160
Nanny Fine,
we're Babcocks.
155
00:06:44,500 --> 00:06:46,160
We don't plotz.
156
00:06:46,500 --> 00:06:48,400
I'm with you,
Daddy.
I find her singing
irritating.
157
00:06:48,433 --> 00:06:52,003
[GASP] An entire acre
of Beth Shalom Cemetery
158
00:06:52,330 --> 00:06:55,300
just rolled over.
159
00:06:55,333 --> 00:06:58,153
Plus her
voice
is so nasal.
160
00:06:58,183 --> 00:07:00,473
Well, that's
part
of her charm.
161
00:07:01,450 --> 00:07:04,170
I didn't know
that you disliked her, C.C.
162
00:07:04,200 --> 00:07:05,250
Fran...
163
00:07:05,283 --> 00:07:08,153
Would you like to go?
164
00:07:08,183 --> 00:07:10,333
[THUD]
165
00:07:17,660 --> 00:07:18,450
Oh, I'm sorry.
166
00:07:18,483 --> 00:07:20,203
It's just too much for me.
167
00:07:20,233 --> 00:07:24,303
I mean, the idea of finally
seeing Barbra in person!
168
00:07:24,333 --> 00:07:26,323
And our tickets
are in the front row.
169
00:07:27,283 --> 00:07:29,123
[THUD]
170
00:07:32,100 --> 00:07:33,280
Did you see
her eyes roll
back?
171
00:07:33,316 --> 00:07:35,426
That was so cool.
172
00:07:35,466 --> 00:07:37,226
Might I suggest
a safety belt
173
00:07:37,266 --> 00:07:39,996
for the concert?
174
00:07:40,330 --> 00:07:43,160
There is one more thing,
but, um,
175
00:07:43,500 --> 00:07:46,280
perhaps someone should
hold onto her.
176
00:07:46,316 --> 00:07:49,196
Oh, I'm okay.
177
00:07:49,233 --> 00:07:51,223
Give it to me straight.
178
00:07:51,250 --> 00:07:54,330
We're going backstage.
179
00:07:55,133 --> 00:07:57,223
I'm fine.
180
00:07:58,450 --> 00:07:59,470
You don't mind,
sweetheart?
181
00:08:00,000 --> 00:08:01,380
I mean, since
you hate her so much...
182
00:08:01,416 --> 00:08:04,246
Is he talking about Barbra
or Fran?
183
00:08:04,283 --> 00:08:08,303
No. Please, go ahead. Enjoy.
184
00:08:08,333 --> 00:08:10,233
Good.
Then it's settled.
185
00:08:10,266 --> 00:08:11,446
Now, my boy,
186
00:08:11,483 --> 00:08:14,833
what position
do you play?
187
00:08:14,116 --> 00:08:15,376
Well, you see,
it's not so
much
188
00:08:15,416 --> 00:08:17,496
the
position
you play.
189
00:08:17,830 --> 00:08:19,200
It's just that you're
being
part of a team.
190
00:08:19,233 --> 00:08:20,233
Right field, huh?
191
00:08:20,266 --> 00:08:22,296
Yeah.
192
00:08:24,283 --> 00:08:26,323
[THUD]
193
00:08:28,266 --> 00:08:32,316
Poor thing, she held on
as long as she could.
194
00:08:37,333 --> 00:08:40,323
Yes. All right.
Goodbye.
195
00:08:40,350 --> 00:08:42,480
Niles, crack open
the champagne.
196
00:08:43,160 --> 00:08:44,420
The theater guild
has finally invited me
197
00:08:44,450 --> 00:08:47,170
to speak at this
year's
Broadway symposium.
198
00:08:47,200 --> 00:08:49,660
So Andrew Lloyd Webber
is...
199
00:08:49,100 --> 00:08:51,160
Out of town.
And Sondheim?
200
00:08:51,500 --> 00:08:53,120
Busy.
And Gower Champion...
201
00:08:53,150 --> 00:08:54,330
Dead.
Dead.
202
00:08:54,366 --> 00:08:55,396
Niles, just
have
my gray suit
203
00:08:55,433 --> 00:08:57,003
ready by Saturday.
204
00:08:57,330 --> 00:08:58,330
Along with your baseball cap,
sir?
205
00:08:58,366 --> 00:09:00,366
What? Oh, no.
206
00:09:00,400 --> 00:09:02,000
Saturday
I promised to take Brighton
207
00:09:02,330 --> 00:09:03,500
to the ballgame.
208
00:09:03,830 --> 00:09:05,120
Home run, sir.
Oh, no.
209
00:09:05,150 --> 00:09:07,180
-Maxwell...
-C.C., I've got a problem.
210
00:09:07,216 --> 00:09:08,346
Well, I have
problems
of my own.
211
00:09:08,383 --> 00:09:10,223
My father is missing.
He could be lying dead
212
00:09:10,250 --> 00:09:12,180
in a ditch
somewhere
for all I know.
213
00:09:12,216 --> 00:09:15,116
No, he's not missing.
He's out shopping
with Miss Fine.
214
00:09:15,150 --> 00:09:17,230
Oh, God. Worse.
215
00:09:17,266 --> 00:09:19,276
C.C., you're not jealous,
are you?
216
00:09:19,316 --> 00:09:22,146
Me? Ha! Please.
217
00:09:22,183 --> 00:09:25,223
It's just that she's taking
time away from his work,
and time is money.
218
00:09:25,250 --> 00:09:28,470
And his money
will someday
be her money.
219
00:09:29,000 --> 00:09:31,500
So naturally
I'm concerned.
Mm.
220
00:09:35,116 --> 00:09:36,296
Fran, this dress
221
00:09:37,200 --> 00:09:39,150
is going to be fabulous
on you.
222
00:09:39,183 --> 00:09:42,433
Oh, Stew, you are
like
a fairy godfather.
223
00:09:42,466 --> 00:09:45,426
All I said was that I was
in the mood for a Big Mac,
224
00:09:45,466 --> 00:09:48,466
and you got me
a Bob Mackie!
225
00:09:50,000 --> 00:09:53,660
Please don't mention it.
I love spoiling you.
226
00:09:53,100 --> 00:09:55,330
Oh, well,
if it gives you pleasure.
227
00:09:55,366 --> 00:09:57,346
Hey, I saw
a pair of shoes at Bergdorf's
228
00:09:57,383 --> 00:09:59,423
that would make you ecstatic.
229
00:09:59,450 --> 00:10:01,330
[LAUGHING]
230
00:10:01,660 --> 00:10:02,270
I'll see you tonight.
231
00:10:02,300 --> 00:10:04,450
Have you told anyone
that you're going
to see Streisand?
232
00:10:04,483 --> 00:10:06,663
Well, just my mother,
233
00:10:06,100 --> 00:10:08,420
but she'll let the greater
Tri-state area know.
234
00:10:08,450 --> 00:10:10,160
See you later, Stew.
235
00:10:10,500 --> 00:10:11,150
Goodbye, kitten.
236
00:10:12,330 --> 00:10:13,350
Kitten?
237
00:10:13,383 --> 00:10:15,403
[GROANING]
238
00:10:15,433 --> 00:10:18,253
Niles, I told you to cut
the tops of your shoes out
239
00:10:18,283 --> 00:10:19,353
like my father does.
240
00:10:19,383 --> 00:10:22,163
Mm, only if I can have
the powder-blue socks
241
00:10:22,500 --> 00:10:24,270
and Bermuda shorts
to complete the look.
242
00:10:25,250 --> 00:10:28,230
Oh, I had such a wonderful time
with Stew.
243
00:10:28,266 --> 00:10:30,216
I feel just like Cinderella.
244
00:10:30,250 --> 00:10:33,430
Yes, only in this case,
there's an evil stepdaughter.
245
00:10:33,466 --> 00:10:35,296
Where the hell
are they?
246
00:10:35,333 --> 00:10:37,483
I can't believe
they're not back yet.
247
00:10:38,160 --> 00:10:39,180
Who?
248
00:10:39,466 --> 00:10:41,326
The swallows.
249
00:10:41,660 --> 00:10:42,350
Capistrano.
250
00:10:43,466 --> 00:10:45,226
Check on it, Niles.
251
00:10:46,400 --> 00:10:49,330
Miss Babcock,
you don't have a problem
252
00:10:49,660 --> 00:10:51,130
with me spending time
with your father?
253
00:10:51,166 --> 00:10:53,476
Nanny Fine,
please.
I couldn't care
less.
254
00:10:54,160 --> 00:10:56,230
Oh, good.
Because if they get married,
255
00:10:56,266 --> 00:10:58,426
Miss Fine will be
your new mummy.
256
00:11:00,400 --> 00:11:02,330
[THUD]
257
00:11:03,266 --> 00:11:05,146
FRAN: Can you believe
she fainted?
258
00:11:05,183 --> 00:11:09,003
NILES: Oh, God.
She's going to get
lipstick
all over the couch.
259
00:11:09,330 --> 00:11:12,130
Miss Babcock.
Miss Babcock!
260
00:11:12,166 --> 00:11:14,126
Do we need
some smelling
salts?
261
00:11:14,166 --> 00:11:16,366
Brighton, quick,
give me your sneaker.
262
00:11:17,350 --> 00:11:19,230
Ah, that
woke her up.
263
00:11:19,266 --> 00:11:22,376
Oh, and just when
I was about to slap her.
264
00:11:24,000 --> 00:11:25,300
Oh, quit it, you two.
265
00:11:25,333 --> 00:11:29,503
Don't tease... mydaughter.
266
00:11:30,233 --> 00:11:31,433
Say, in the will,
267
00:11:31,466 --> 00:11:35,496
doesn't the daughter
come after the wife?
268
00:11:36,233 --> 00:11:39,153
I'm kidding.
269
00:11:39,183 --> 00:11:40,473
If I were you,
I'd be more concerned
270
00:11:41,160 --> 00:11:44,100
that the daughter
would come after the nanny.
271
00:11:44,133 --> 00:11:46,453
I know I'll be sleeping
with one eye open.
272
00:11:46,483 --> 00:11:49,123
Ahem. Uh, Brighton,
I have to talk to you.
273
00:11:49,150 --> 00:11:50,230
Am I in trouble?
274
00:11:50,266 --> 00:11:52,266
No. I rather think I am.
275
00:11:52,300 --> 00:11:54,350
Great.
I have time for
this.
276
00:11:54,383 --> 00:11:56,133
Well, you know
how much
277
00:11:56,166 --> 00:11:58,316
I wanted to take you
to this ballgame.
278
00:11:58,350 --> 00:12:01,170
Oh, you can't make it?
Ah, no problem.
279
00:12:01,200 --> 00:12:03,500
Well, the thing is--
I'm afraid
280
00:12:03,830 --> 00:12:05,160
I'm just not going
to be able to make it.
281
00:12:05,500 --> 00:12:06,480
Dad, it's like I
said,
no problem.
282
00:12:07,160 --> 00:12:10,120
I know you're so desperately
disappointed,
283
00:12:10,150 --> 00:12:12,180
but, you see, I've been
waiting
years for the theater guild
284
00:12:12,216 --> 00:12:13,226
to invite me to speak,
285
00:12:13,266 --> 00:12:15,326
and you see,
they just called, so I--
286
00:12:15,660 --> 00:12:16,150
Dad, hello!
287
00:12:16,183 --> 00:12:19,833
Did I mention-- "no problem!"
288
00:12:19,400 --> 00:12:21,100
So it's... not a problem?
289
00:12:21,133 --> 00:12:22,133
No.
290
00:12:22,166 --> 00:12:24,326
Oh, great,
then it's not a problem.
291
00:12:24,366 --> 00:12:25,396
Thanks, son.
292
00:12:25,433 --> 00:12:28,103
Oh, I don't believe this.
293
00:12:28,133 --> 00:12:29,153
Mr. Sheffield,
294
00:12:29,183 --> 00:12:31,173
can I talk to you
for just one
minute?
295
00:12:31,200 --> 00:12:33,120
I doubt it.
296
00:12:33,150 --> 00:12:36,170
Mr. Sheffield, how can you
not take him to the game?
297
00:12:36,200 --> 00:12:39,150
Can't you see
you're breaking
that little boy's heart?
298
00:12:39,183 --> 00:12:41,383
He said it was no problem.
You must've heard him.
299
00:12:41,416 --> 00:12:44,296
Oh, of course
that's what he said.
That's what kids always say.
300
00:12:44,333 --> 00:12:46,223
They're not going
to tell their father
301
00:12:46,250 --> 00:12:48,130
when they're dying inside.
302
00:12:48,166 --> 00:12:49,476
They give off signals.
303
00:12:50,160 --> 00:12:53,350
They act morose.
304
00:12:53,383 --> 00:12:56,433
Sometimes they even
have fits of anger.
305
00:12:58,160 --> 00:13:00,660
[CRASH]
306
00:13:01,250 --> 00:13:03,280
And finally,
if they're despondent enough,
307
00:13:03,316 --> 00:13:06,166
they might even be driven
to acts of violence.
308
00:13:06,200 --> 00:13:07,400
Ow!
309
00:13:07,433 --> 00:13:09,503
God!
310
00:13:11,300 --> 00:13:12,420
And that concludes
311
00:13:12,450 --> 00:13:15,330
today's
audiovisual
demonstration.
312
00:13:25,300 --> 00:13:29,180
Look at me, Ma.
I look just like
Barbra
inYentl.
313
00:13:29,216 --> 00:13:33,276
Oh, Fran, this is the
most
exciting moment of my
life--
314
00:13:33,316 --> 00:13:36,296
dressing my daughter
for Barbra Streisand!
315
00:13:38,830 --> 00:13:39,300
I thought
the most exciting day
316
00:13:39,333 --> 00:13:42,173
was gonna be when you
dressed me for my wedding.
317
00:13:42,200 --> 00:13:44,480
Mm. I decided to live for today.
318
00:13:46,366 --> 00:13:49,326
[SIGHING]
Oy.
319
00:13:49,660 --> 00:13:50,320
Oh, what's the matter?
320
00:13:50,350 --> 00:13:52,370
Your excitement
peaked too
early,
321
00:13:52,400 --> 00:13:54,350
and now
you're
depleted?
322
00:13:54,383 --> 00:13:57,233
No. I just don't think
I should be going.
323
00:13:58,100 --> 00:13:59,330
Bite your tongue!
324
00:13:59,366 --> 00:14:01,396
Don't you love
Barbra
anymore?
325
00:14:01,433 --> 00:14:03,483
Ma, she's our leader!
326
00:14:06,283 --> 00:14:08,333
Uh, I just think
327
00:14:08,660 --> 00:14:11,130
Mr. Babcock should be taking
his daughter instead of me.
328
00:14:11,166 --> 00:14:13,266
Miss Babcock
doesn't want to go!
329
00:14:13,300 --> 00:14:14,370
Oh...
330
00:14:14,400 --> 00:14:16,330
She's afraid
to reach out to him.
331
00:14:16,366 --> 00:14:18,656
Don't you see?
332
00:14:18,100 --> 00:14:20,320
He's a father
looking for a daughter.
333
00:14:20,350 --> 00:14:23,500
She's a daughter
looking for her father.
334
00:14:23,830 --> 00:14:25,160
They're like two trains
in a tunnel--
335
00:14:25,500 --> 00:14:27,000
one's the express,
one's the local,
336
00:14:27,330 --> 00:14:29,330
going side by side,
never meeting up.
337
00:14:29,366 --> 00:14:31,366
I'll tell you, it's a tragedy.
338
00:14:32,316 --> 00:14:35,826
Fran... look.
339
00:14:35,116 --> 00:14:37,266
Oh! TheBarbra Quarterly!
340
00:14:37,300 --> 00:14:40,180
Oh, I love
theBarbra Quarterly.
341
00:14:40,216 --> 00:14:41,476
And, Fran, look!
342
00:14:42,160 --> 00:14:44,150
Oh!Color Me Barbra!
343
00:14:44,183 --> 00:14:46,283
Oh, I love
Color Me Barbra!
344
00:14:46,316 --> 00:14:48,376
Ma, don't do this
to me.
345
00:14:48,416 --> 00:14:50,326
And, Fran, look!
346
00:14:50,660 --> 00:14:51,130
[GASPS]
347
00:14:51,166 --> 00:14:53,426
Oh... ho, ho, ho!
348
00:14:53,466 --> 00:14:56,126
MyOn A Clear Day
349
00:14:56,166 --> 00:14:59,246
Oh, Ma! I used to love this so!
Remember?
350
00:14:59,283 --> 00:15:01,303
I'd wear it everywhere!
351
00:15:01,333 --> 00:15:04,403
Even to Uncle Harry's funeral.
352
00:15:04,433 --> 00:15:06,253
Was that in poor taste, Ma?
353
00:15:06,283 --> 00:15:10,223
No. He loved her too.
354
00:15:10,250 --> 00:15:11,300
So you'll go?
355
00:15:11,333 --> 00:15:13,483
No.
Why not!
356
00:15:14,160 --> 00:15:15,220
I just can't, Ma,
357
00:15:15,250 --> 00:15:16,420
and it's all your fault.
358
00:15:16,450 --> 00:15:18,330
Mine?
359
00:15:18,660 --> 00:15:20,130
Yes, because you raised me
too good.
360
00:15:20,166 --> 00:15:23,496
Wasn't it you
who said family comes first?
361
00:15:23,830 --> 00:15:26,320
Our family, not theirs!
362
00:15:26,350 --> 00:15:27,420
[DOORBELL CHIMES]
363
00:15:29,333 --> 00:15:30,373
Oh, God. Oh!
364
00:15:30,400 --> 00:15:31,470
[GROANING]
365
00:15:32,000 --> 00:15:33,280
God.
366
00:15:33,316 --> 00:15:35,496
Oh, Niles, there's
someone
at the door.
367
00:15:35,830 --> 00:15:39,270
Oh, and I
thought
another angel
got its wings.
368
00:15:40,383 --> 00:15:42,103
You really should do something
about your feet.
369
00:15:42,133 --> 00:15:44,333
Oh, perhaps I can chew them off.
370
00:15:44,366 --> 00:15:46,426
I was thinking more
of a visit to a chiropodist,
371
00:15:46,466 --> 00:15:48,426
but as long as
you take care of it.
372
00:15:50,283 --> 00:15:51,333
[MOANING]
373
00:15:51,366 --> 00:15:52,446
[DOORBELL CHIMES]
374
00:15:52,483 --> 00:15:56,123
[SNAPPING]
Oh, just come in!
375
00:15:56,150 --> 00:15:58,160
Good evening, Niles.
376
00:15:58,500 --> 00:16:01,200
Sir. I can't get you anything,
can I, sir?
377
00:16:01,233 --> 00:16:02,333
No, no, no.
378
00:16:03,266 --> 00:16:04,416
Maybe just a Martini.
379
00:16:05,233 --> 00:16:07,503
Extra dry?
380
00:16:07,830 --> 00:16:11,130
Don't worry.
By the time you get it,
it will be evaporated.
381
00:16:16,183 --> 00:16:19,503
You look stunning!
382
00:16:19,830 --> 00:16:21,130
Just like
Audrey Hepburn.
383
00:16:21,166 --> 00:16:26,226
Oh, ho ho. Too bad
I sound like Selma Diamond.
384
00:16:26,266 --> 00:16:27,346
You ready?
385
00:16:27,383 --> 00:16:30,253
I can't believe
I'm about to say this,
386
00:16:30,283 --> 00:16:33,273
but... I can't go.
387
00:16:34,250 --> 00:16:35,300
Why not?
388
00:16:35,333 --> 00:16:38,303
Oh, because
I'm this old softy,
389
00:16:38,333 --> 00:16:41,383
and, well, I think
you should take C.C.
390
00:16:42,233 --> 00:16:45,503
But I want to take you.
391
00:16:45,830 --> 00:16:46,350
All right, let's go.
392
00:16:46,383 --> 00:16:49,133
Oh, no, no, no.
I can't. I can't.
393
00:16:49,166 --> 00:16:50,476
SYLVIA:
♪♪ Memories ♪♪
394
00:16:51,160 --> 00:16:53,220
♪♪ Like the corner
Of my mind ♪♪
395
00:16:53,250 --> 00:16:55,450
Ma, knock it off!
396
00:16:55,483 --> 00:16:57,283
Kitten, this is ridiculous.
397
00:16:57,316 --> 00:16:59,246
C.C. doesn't even want to go.
398
00:16:59,283 --> 00:17:02,233
Yes she does, because
she wants to be with you,
399
00:17:02,266 --> 00:17:05,146
but she's afraid to tell you
that she wants to be with you,
400
00:17:05,183 --> 00:17:07,303
because she thinks
that you don't want
to be with her.
401
00:17:07,333 --> 00:17:12,433
SYLVIA: ♪♪ Misty
Water-colored memories ♪♪
[DOG BARKING]
402
00:17:12,466 --> 00:17:14,826
Ma,genug
403
00:17:14,116 --> 00:17:16,266
You're starting
the twilight bark!
404
00:17:17,416 --> 00:17:20,216
I've tried
to reach out to
C.C.,
405
00:17:20,250 --> 00:17:22,230
but she pushes me away.
406
00:17:22,266 --> 00:17:24,226
She just doesn't
want
to be with me.
407
00:17:24,266 --> 00:17:27,376
She does want
to be with you,
but she needs to know
408
00:17:27,416 --> 00:17:30,166
that you want to be
with her.
409
00:17:30,200 --> 00:17:31,280
People...
410
00:17:31,316 --> 00:17:34,326
People
who need people are...
411
00:17:34,660 --> 00:17:37,500
Ah, you'll see
the concert.
412
00:17:37,830 --> 00:17:38,300
You're very wise.
413
00:17:38,333 --> 00:17:40,203
Aw...
414
00:17:40,233 --> 00:17:42,183
[GASPS]
415
00:17:43,830 --> 00:17:46,000
Daddy!
416
00:17:46,330 --> 00:17:48,320
She also has
her mother's
timing.
417
00:17:49,416 --> 00:17:51,126
C.C.,
open this
door.
418
00:17:51,166 --> 00:17:54,116
Your father and I
are very
concerned
about you!
419
00:17:54,150 --> 00:17:55,250
Go away!
420
00:17:55,283 --> 00:17:56,423
[POUNDING ON DOOR]
421
00:17:56,450 --> 00:17:58,100
Open up, young lady!
422
00:17:58,133 --> 00:18:00,423
Niles, run and
get
a butter knife.
423
00:18:00,450 --> 00:18:04,120
Oh, why don't we just
starve her out?
424
00:18:04,150 --> 00:18:06,500
Ma, use your nail.
425
00:18:06,830 --> 00:18:07,280
Her nails
can open anything--
426
00:18:07,316 --> 00:18:10,346
letters, diaries,
my old boyfriend's Chevy.
427
00:18:10,383 --> 00:18:13,103
I never had any privacy
as a child.
428
00:18:13,133 --> 00:18:15,273
Got it!
Acrylic.
429
00:18:17,830 --> 00:18:19,370
C.C.--
I don't want
to talk to you!
430
00:18:19,400 --> 00:18:21,660
All right,
I'm coming in.
431
00:18:21,100 --> 00:18:22,300
Cover me.
432
00:18:24,183 --> 00:18:26,503
[GASPS]
Smoking?
433
00:18:26,830 --> 00:18:28,330
Not in my
house,
young lady!
434
00:18:28,366 --> 00:18:30,216
It's not your house,
435
00:18:30,250 --> 00:18:32,120
and this
is none of your business,
436
00:18:32,150 --> 00:18:34,100
and while we're having
this little girl talk...
437
00:18:34,133 --> 00:18:36,133
[EMPHATICALLY]
I loathe you.
438
00:18:39,200 --> 00:18:41,330
At least you're opening up.
439
00:18:41,660 --> 00:18:43,250
I want to talk to you
about your father.
440
00:18:43,283 --> 00:18:45,253
You have got to stop
pushing people away!
441
00:18:45,283 --> 00:18:47,003
I don't
push people away!
442
00:18:47,330 --> 00:18:48,120
Excuse me.
443
00:18:48,150 --> 00:18:50,380
I'm trying to get some ash
out of your hair.
444
00:18:51,183 --> 00:18:53,003
People misunderstand me.
445
00:18:53,330 --> 00:18:54,330
They think
I'm a
self-centered,
446
00:18:54,366 --> 00:18:58,116
cold-hearted witch.
447
00:19:03,166 --> 00:19:04,426
Is everything all right?
448
00:19:04,466 --> 00:19:06,096
If they're like my Morty,
449
00:19:06,133 --> 00:19:08,433
they could be in there
for hours.
450
00:19:08,466 --> 00:19:10,396
You know, Fran was right.
451
00:19:10,433 --> 00:19:13,153
I should have spent
more time with C.C.
when she was little.
452
00:19:13,183 --> 00:19:15,233
Oh, Miss Fine
has this annoying way
453
00:19:15,266 --> 00:19:17,146
of being right
about those things.
454
00:19:17,183 --> 00:19:18,353
Yeah, yeah.
455
00:19:18,383 --> 00:19:22,233
Meanwhile, if, uh,
you need another escort
456
00:19:22,266 --> 00:19:24,176
for the concert,
457
00:19:24,216 --> 00:19:28,116
this outfit goes
from day to night
458
00:19:28,150 --> 00:19:31,280
with just
a few accessories.
459
00:19:32,100 --> 00:19:33,250
I have the knife.
460
00:19:33,283 --> 00:19:35,133
Oh, that's all right,
Niles.
We don't need it now.
461
00:19:35,166 --> 00:19:38,446
[GRUMBLING]
462
00:19:38,483 --> 00:19:40,333
The thing is...
463
00:19:40,366 --> 00:19:45,316
I just don't
know
what to do!
464
00:19:45,350 --> 00:19:48,370
Oh, there, there...
That's okay.
465
00:19:48,400 --> 00:19:50,160
Yeah.
466
00:19:50,500 --> 00:19:52,300
[CRYING]
Okay, shh, shh, shh.
467
00:19:52,333 --> 00:19:54,133
That's all right.
468
00:19:55,500 --> 00:19:57,320
Hello!
Calling next of kin!
469
00:19:57,350 --> 00:19:59,300
Aw, shh...
470
00:20:00,266 --> 00:20:02,116
Yeah,
here's your
daddy.
471
00:20:02,150 --> 00:20:04,130
Here's your daddy.
472
00:20:05,500 --> 00:20:07,130
I have never seen her
cry before.
473
00:20:07,166 --> 00:20:08,326
Well, maybe
the crash of '87.
474
00:20:08,366 --> 00:20:09,426
Oh!
475
00:20:09,466 --> 00:20:12,276
[WHISPERING]
Ask her to the concert!
476
00:20:13,100 --> 00:20:14,130
I would really love it
477
00:20:14,166 --> 00:20:16,326
if, uh, you would
come with me
478
00:20:16,366 --> 00:20:18,396
to the concert tonight.
479
00:20:18,433 --> 00:20:20,283
[TEARFULLY]
You would?
480
00:20:20,316 --> 00:20:23,326
Of course he would.
481
00:20:23,660 --> 00:20:25,000
And, C.C., I think
you're very lucky
482
00:20:25,330 --> 00:20:27,400
to have a friend
like Fran.
483
00:20:27,433 --> 00:20:29,273
[WAILING] I know!
484
00:20:30,466 --> 00:20:33,196
[SOBBING]
She's wonderful.
485
00:20:33,233 --> 00:20:38,183
She's going to let me
wear her dress.
486
00:20:41,266 --> 00:20:44,096
Bye! Have a good time!
487
00:20:44,133 --> 00:20:48,103
Don't forget my Barbra program
and my Barbra T-shirt
488
00:20:48,133 --> 00:20:52,233
and my Barbra mug
with the nose handle!
489
00:20:54,166 --> 00:20:56,826
Oh...
490
00:20:57,100 --> 00:20:59,320
Darling,
you did a good thing.
491
00:20:59,350 --> 00:21:02,200
An incredibly stupid
thing...
492
00:21:02,233 --> 00:21:05,123
Yeah, well, you're the one
that had the doctors
use forceps
493
00:21:05,150 --> 00:21:07,160
when they delivered me.
494
00:21:07,500 --> 00:21:08,350
The pain you caused me,
495
00:21:08,383 --> 00:21:12,103
I would have let them
use the jaws of life.
496
00:21:14,216 --> 00:21:17,196
Miss Fine, that was
a very lovely thing
you did for C.C.
497
00:21:17,233 --> 00:21:18,403
Aw...
498
00:21:18,433 --> 00:21:21,223
And I'm about to follow
your selfless example.
499
00:21:21,250 --> 00:21:23,120
Oh, well, good,
then you can
be...
500
00:21:23,150 --> 00:21:25,270
[VOICE BREAKING]
As happy as I am.
501
00:21:26,300 --> 00:21:28,380
Son... good news.
502
00:21:28,416 --> 00:21:30,276
I've canceled
my theater lecture
503
00:21:30,316 --> 00:21:32,196
so I can take you
to the ballgame.
504
00:21:32,233 --> 00:21:35,173
Bad news, Dad.
I made other
plans.
505
00:21:35,200 --> 00:21:37,420
But I thought it was
really important to you.
506
00:21:37,450 --> 00:21:39,330
No, I told you
I didn't care.
507
00:21:39,366 --> 00:21:41,126
Ah, but you didn't
really mean that.
508
00:21:41,166 --> 00:21:42,346
Yeah, I did.
509
00:21:42,383 --> 00:21:45,833
I don't know how I
could've
made it any clearer.
510
00:21:45,116 --> 00:21:47,166
Well, he did say
it was no problem.
511
00:21:47,200 --> 00:21:48,470
Miss Fine!
512
00:21:50,000 --> 00:21:51,180
Don't be disappointed, Dad.
513
00:21:51,216 --> 00:21:52,446
I'll go with you
to another game.
514
00:21:52,483 --> 00:21:54,233
The Mets aren't going anywhere.
515
00:21:54,266 --> 00:21:57,116
That's for sure.
516
00:22:01,160 --> 00:22:03,220
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
517
00:22:11,500 --> 00:22:14,230
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING
THROUGH TELEPHONE]
518
00:22:14,266 --> 00:22:17,176
♪♪ The way we... ♪♪
519
00:22:17,216 --> 00:22:21,266
♪♪ Were... ♪♪
520
00:22:21,300 --> 00:22:24,430
That is the best
that Barbra ever sang
that song.
521
00:22:24,466 --> 00:22:25,476
I just love her.
522
00:22:26,160 --> 00:22:27,350
I love her more.
523
00:22:27,383 --> 00:22:29,833
I loved her first.
524
00:22:29,116 --> 00:22:31,656
I'll love her last.
525
00:22:33,450 --> 00:22:35,420
What?
Oh, Ma,
listen.
526
00:22:35,450 --> 00:22:38,180
Stew says he's got
a surprise for us.
527
00:22:40,400 --> 00:22:42,220
STREISAND:
Hello, gorgeous.
528
00:22:51,200 --> 00:22:53,420
Why are we always arguing
about who's her biggest
fan?
529
00:22:53,450 --> 00:22:57,000
There's plenty of room
in Barbra's life for both of us.
530
00:22:57,330 --> 00:22:59,130
Now, let's continue...
531
00:22:59,166 --> 00:23:04,326
♪♪ Scattered pictures
Of the smiles we left behind ♪♪
532
00:23:04,366 --> 00:23:07,416
♪♪ Smiles we gave
to one another ♪♪
533
00:23:07,450 --> 00:23:09,170
[BARKING]
534
00:23:09,200 --> 00:23:12,830
♪♪ Of the way we were ♪♪
535
00:23:12,116 --> 00:23:15,166
Don't you just love
sitting around
singing Barbra
tunes?